Nipple Cripple/Dragon Flick

In the recent weeks, a dear friend of mine who is a kung fu master came to visit my humble abode in Petaling Jaya during his journey to the concrete jungle of Kuala Lumpur. Master Joon Win hails from the far-away and treacherous lands of Johor Bharu.

In return for food, lodging, and bringing him around to feast his eyes on the many beauties of KL, Master Joon Win offered to teach me two highly-lethal kung fu moves: The Nipple Cripple and The Dragon Flick.

Take note that Master Joon Win's skills are not to be scoffed upon as he is a guardian of the Malaysian-Singaporean border, constantly honing his craft to fend away any attacking ninjas, samurais, or super-human ASEAN scholars, giving safe passage for Singaporeans to visit our sacred Genting Highlands.

The Nipple Cripple

The first and more popular among the two attacks is The Nipple Cripple. It can be used by warriors who lack in size and strength as it does not require a great deal of power to execute. The aim of The Nipple Cripple is to "over-compress" two of the greatest chi-points on the human body: the nipples. This disrupts the entire flow of energy around the opponents body, causing him (or her) to severely retract his body.

How to execute The Nipple Cripple:

The basic position of the fingers for The Nipple Cripple. Allow ample space for the nipples to enter between the thumb and index finger.

Apply pressure upon the nipples with the thumb and index finger.

Twist wrists outwards for maixmum chi-disruption, giving opponent a completely crippled nipple.

How to apply The Nipple Cripple in combat situations:

An oversized assailant assails you from the front. Get into combat position.

Oversized assailant launches an uppercut.

Extend arms to simultaneously block the uppercut with forearm and to proceed with applying pressure on the oversized nipples of the oversized assailant.

Twist wrists outwards to fully disrupt the energy-flow of oversized assailant. Assailant will relent due to the lack of chi.

The Dragon Flick

The lesser known attack is known as The Dragon Flick. This attack, although lesser known than The Nipple Cripple, is easily 20 times more damaging. This move is more suitable for vertically challenged warriors as it targets the lower regions of the body. The aim is to cause a concentrated impact on the body-part known as The Family Orbs.

A word of caution: With enough power, The Dragon Flick can create a crack in The Family Orbs. This might either take away the opponents life, or even worse, take away an important purpose of his life. Please use with caution.

How to execute The Dragon Flick:

Roll the thumb and middle-finger into the shape of an "O" with the thumb over the middle-finger. The two fingers then should apply pressure against one another. This position is called "Dragon Catapaults".

Bring your Dragon Catapaults close to The Family Orbs.

Pull thumbs backwards, allowing the compressed power or the middle-fingers to "catapault" towards The Family Orbs, creating a small impact on an important area.

How to execute The Dragon Flick in combat situations:

An oversized assailant assails from the front. Get into combat position.

Oversized opponent launches punch. Dodge to avoid impact upon face.

Bring Dragon Catapaults close to the Family Orbs of the assailant.

Pull back thumbs to execute Dragon Flick. Opponent will lament over his damaged Orbs. Pray for opponent.

Another combat situation where The Dragon Flick can be applied. Oversized opponent tries to violate your decency from behind.

Lift up one leg, put Dragon Catapaults underneath your groin to strike opponents Family Orbs. Be careful not to strike your own Orbs.

Nipple Cripple-Dragon Flick Combo

When you have reached a higher level of kung-fu, you can combine both attacks to inflict serious damage upon opponent.

Undersized opponent launches a kick. Step towards opponents body and extend hands to execute a Nipple Cripple.
Twist wrists outwards to disrupt opponents energy flow. When opponent is stunned, pull opponent by the nipples towards you.





Squat down facing opponents groin. Prepare Dragon Catapaults.

Execute The Dragon Flick. Thousand years of misery for opponent and his family.